Transactions

Am I a seeker of God…or a seeker of reward?

Am I a seeker of Christ…or a seeker of salvation?

Am I a seeker of Spirit…or a seeker of gnosis?

In short…

Do I seek relationship…

Or the profits of relationship?

Would I love God if God did nothing for me?

Would I love God if God returned nothing for my love except…love?

To imagine the purity and possibility of this kind of love

consider God’s love for us.

God wants nothing more from me

than me.

Compared to passionate relationship with God, all my works are just brightly colored sprinkles on top of an otherwise pretty fantastic cake.

Why do I rarely consider that it is enough to desire God from God?  If I did, I would see God’s works as candles on top of an otherwise pretty fantastic cake.

But instead, I experience God’s love for me, not spiritually, but transactionally.

“God will reward me when I…”

“God will save me when I…”

“God will love me if I…”

So I hold my love like a check, in reserve, payable upon God’s “deliverables.”

“I’ll be rewarded when I…”

“I’ll be saved when I…”

Basically, for most of us, it boils down to this:

“I’ll love God when God gives me what I’ve got coming.”

I’m so busy seeking the approval of God, I don’t recognize the face of God.

I’m so busy picking the pockets of God, I don’t see the hands of God.

I’m so busy following the path to God, I don’t understand that the path is God.

© Marian the Seminarian, 2012

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